I can still remember the feeling of walking down the side aisle towards the front of the Basilica. I had a host of butterflies flying around my stomach, and my legs felt like they’d shake right out of my shoes. Questions kept invading my mind in rapid succession: “What were you thinking, Gretchen? Why did you volunteer in the first place? Are you really ready to do this? How long is this side aisle anyway?” But right before I reached my destination, my frantic questions turned to a simple prayer: “God please join your voice with mine.”
Finally, I reached the steps, bowed my head, and climbed them with as much grace as I could muster. When I reached the microphone, I looked up at the choir loft in the distance and swallowed hard as the music started. I opened my mouth and began to sing the words of Psalm 23: “I shall live in the house of the Lord…”
Now, I’ll be the first to admit - I am no great singer. I can carry a tune. I can make that tune match the instruments playing, most of the time anyway. But singing is not the gift I have been given to pursue by God in any extensive way. That moment twenty years ago singing the responsorial psalm in the Notre Dame Basilica was not about starting a journey towards more opportunities to use my voice in this way. Instead, it was about proving to myself that I had the courage to try despite any obstacles, even the ones that presented themselves at the last possible moment.
In rehearsal earlier that day, I wasn’t matching up with the music. I didn’t know how difficult it would be to match the instrumental music coming from an elevated choir loft 100 or so feet away from my spot at the podium. There was a delay between when each note was played and when it reached my ears, and I was told that I would have to account for that delay. At that moment, I was ready to give in and say: “Nevermind, I was just kidding. Can you have one of your more experienced singers come up and do this? I’m out!” But I didn’t. I also never got it quite right in that rehearsal either.
That night at mass I tangibly felt God showing up for me. I raised my hand, said yes, and then took the long walk up the side aisle myself. But when I prayed my last minute desperate prayer for God to join God’s voice with mine, I wholeheartedly believe God did exactly that. Because in the end, I did not miss a note.
Each year in December, I choose a word (or it chooses me) to guide me through the upcoming year. It was a practice I started six years ago on the encouragement of a woman who always found her chosen words to be a tangible sign of grace from God. After ending last year in an unexpectedly debilitating way, my word for the year was hope. I chose hope because I never needed it more. This year, however, I believe my word chose me.
I was driving to a workout class in mid-December thinking about how weak I was just 12 months prior and how unbelievably strong I was now. Suddenly I heard (in the way you sometimes just hear) God say “Be bold!” I rejected the phrase at first because I was committed to one word at a time and I already had a host of words I thought were really going to make 2024 the year it needed to be. But the phrase just wouldn’t leave me alone.
“Be bold!” I heard God say somewhere deep inside of me. “Have courage to walk up that side aisle again toward something new, but this time, do not fear. You know now that I walk with you, always.” In December 2022, I quite literally “walk[ed] through the valley of the shadow of death” and as promised in Psalm 23, there was no need for fear, for God was right there to comfort me every step of the way. I hear God calling me to boldly “live in the house of the Lord” this upcoming year and believe that there is “nothing that I lack” to face all that may come my way.
I hear God calling me to bold yeses and tremendous courage just around the corner, but I believe God may be calling you to something new as well. Maybe it’s also to be bold and say a courageous yes, but it could be something else entirely.
How can you make yourself open to God’s call in 2024? What grace will you need to say yes?
The words of Psalm 23 that left my lips that night in the Basilica have stayed with me and fortified me on my journey. They reminded me that in response to my yes, God will, in turn, give me all I need. What is the psalm that will fortify you this year so you and God can make some beautiful music in 2024?
Going Deeper Together:
- Listen to Psalm 23 sung by the Notre Dame Folk Choir (not me) to aid in your reflection.
- For more about my words of the year, my way of “asking for a grace” to guide each year, check out Journeying into Hope.
- Check out Start the New Year with Mary, a reflection on how Mary’s yes to God can inspire our own.
- Consider creating a Spiritual Plan for 2024 with this free resource from Ignatian Ministries to help you figure out what God is inviting you to.
The LORD is my shepherd;
there is nothing I lack.
In green pastures he makes me lie down;
to still waters he leads me;
he restores my soul.
He guides me along right paths
for the sake of his name.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
your rod and your staff comfort me.
You set a table before me
in front of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Indeed, goodness and mercy will pursue me
all the days of my life;
I will dwell in the house of the LORD
for endless days.
Photo by Michael Dziedzic on Unsplash
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Gretchen Crowder
Gretchen Crowder has served as a campus minister and Ignatian educator for the Jesuit Dallas community for the last fifteen years and counting. She is also a freelance writer and speaker. She has a B.S. in mathematics and a M.Ed. from the University of Notre Dame as well as an M.T.S. from the University of Dallas. She resides in Dallas, TX with her husband, three boys, and an ever-growing number of pets.